Ghost of the past haunts the living
Can't go on living this way
Emptiness inside needs filling
yet it gnaws and the hunger grows each day
'till you're rotten to the core
Listening to songs that make you slit your wrists
can't seem to drive the ghost of the past away
Been holding on for far too long nothing left to lose
Time to chase the pain away
with pills and booze
The high I felt from the birthday weekend came crashing down on Monday. No gradual descent, oh no...not when I haven't felt this happy in years. It was like stepping off a cliff and plunging down and hitting the ground smashing every mental bone in my head. I felt hopeless and desperate, I really really wanted to cut myself and end it all right there and then. The pills kicked in finally and I managed to get it all under control and the calm numbness washed over me.
My counsellor asked me the other day whether it was still worth it to come see him and spill my guts out. I replied," Yea, otherwise I'd hurt myself or attempted to slit my wrists a long time ago"
I guess the problem with me is I keep things bottled up inside and slip on my mask to the outside world and become the cheerful, happy go lucky person. I tend to detach myself from feelings or feeling anything at all.
Mood: Melancholic
Music: Tegan and Sara
3 comments:
The Double Nickel Club is a discussion group dedicated to the lifestyle issues of those 55 and older.
hellooooooooooooo?! I'm NOT 55 and older...gawd damnit ppl! READ!!
don't-lah leave me.
don't bottle up. talk to meeeeeeee
talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
ok fine you're talking to counsellor..but i hope all those times when you "hahahahaha" on msn..you really are.
ok? ok? ok? no seriously...what the hell would i do if anything happened to you? i kid you not ok! i'm serious. ask my mum. she'll tell you. =P
Post a Comment