Cathartic Vomitorium

I don't want to know

2010-07-18T03:34:00.003+10:00

Where to start? It's been an interesting but weird 9 months. My sister got married and I had to wear a dress.

There's this hot regular customer that comes in, orders her customised drink all bitchy like and then leaves. So I made it a point to remember her name and her drink (Caramel Frappuccino Blended Coffee, double blended, no whip cream and extra caramel drizzle). I usually just say "hi..the usual?"

So one night she comes in as per usual orders her drink, girl friend pays and they sat directly opposite the hand off plane while I was making her drink. I did not think anything of it at that time.**This will start to make sense later.

Days/Weeks passed, while I was training a new partner on register, she orders her drink, I make small talk, then she out of the blue asks for my name. I stumbled verbally for a second and told her my name. From then on when she comes in I'd start to flirt with her. No harm there.

During summer, I remember it was a hot day. I was walking back from work, with head phones on. I had to stop at a red light when suddenly I felt a tug on my sleeve. I turned around to find her standing there. She flirted with me and vice versa. I didn't take it seriously as she is the kinda of girl that KNOWS she's hot.

Anyways, one day while I was having dinner with a group of friends, she rocks up with a mutual friend and sat directly opposite me. Then she goes to tell me that she likes me. I was like "really? really??" We made small talk and then we parted ways.**See I told you it'll make sense.

Next thing I knew she added me on FaceBook and she asked me to meet her. I met up with her for coffee and got to know her. While we were having a conversation, she kept saying that she can't look me in the eyes because she likes me. I walked her home to her apartment. She kept asking me to go up to her apartment to see her cat. We started making out in a bus stop in front of her building. I finally stood up and told her I had to leave as I had work the next day.

I spent the next 5 days txting and spending time with her at her place. She was really flirty and trying real hard to seduce me. She's like an addiction. The more I resist, the harder it gets. So I gave in and I finger blasted her.

Then after that, she kinda blew me off. She had excuses for me not to come see her. I finally confronted her and she told me she got over the crush she had for me. I was like WTF?

Fine, I let it go. Then she kept txting me to hang out with her. I was thinking "fine, let's give this friend thing a go" Big mistake. The more I spend time with her, the more I realised that I like her. I confessed my feelings for her but it wasn't mutual.

The thing is every time she comes to see me she gets all flirty with me and I get really confused. She'd change her clothes in the same room I'm in, She'd flirt with me on Facebook.

She's got a boyfriend and she'd flirt with me. BIG HEADACHE.

I haven't seen her in nearly two months and when I saw her today, I told her that I've gotten over her. What would you do if the person you had feelings for, after you've told her that you're over her, steers the conversation to her body and asks you to cup her breasts to feel if they've gotten any bigger and to caress her inner thighs? Of course I copped a feel. Hells yea.

Back to the point, I really think I'm over her. I just feel a sense of loss.

Mood: Tired

Music: Tegan and Sara - On Directing

Constant game of falling short

2007-08-07T21:28:00.000+10:00

8 months since my last post, and I've graduated and have my PR. I didn't know what my plan was after that. But I really thought I was over it. I started going to the gym, stopped my meds and stopped seeing my shrink. In hindsight I really shouldn't have done that. I removed my support structure before I was ready.
I removed all prospects of feeling anything for anyone and built a wall around myself. I was confident nothing could penetrate my rock solid defenses.
Then she showed up and breached it. I allowed myself to finally feel again.

I guess I should start from the beginning. I started hanging out and spending time as part of a group with this girl at work. She's indirectly sarcastic as hell to customers, has a brilliant mind and has more artistic talent in her little finger than I could ever think to possess. But I like her just as a FRIEND. Nothing else. Until I got stoned with her. All of the sudden I couldn't keep my emotions in check. I started feeling things that have lain dormant. I started hanging out with her a lot. I'd wait for her to finish work when I have my day off or finished my shift and have dinner with her.I look forward to when I get to spend time with her and feel happy whenever I'm around her. I got really scared. She's straight and has a boyfriend back where she's from. In order to have some sort of control, I decided to tell her how I felt, knowing that I expected nothing to progress out of it, but just to let it out and in a way, move on. I told her last week and I was nervous as hell.

Me: I really, really like you, but I know that you're straight and I understand and I won't push it. I will totally understand if this makes you uncomfortable and you do not want to hang out with me anymore.
She: I'm flattered. I like you...as a friend. I like hanging out with you, I have guy friends that like me and I remain friends with them.
Me: But have you had a girl liking you before?
She: Not that I know of.

Then she gave me a hug and I kinda left it at that and went to work. We haven't talked about it since. I saw her at work during the weekend and we both acted normally. I wasn't sure how or what to feel between the time I told her until the time I worked with her. But today when I hung out with her with a group of friends I was initially distant and stand off-ish. But then I noticed she was a little quiet and not her usual self. So I put aside my feelings even though I was hurting inside and be her friend, listened to her problems and cheered her up.

I still like her a lot and it's driving me crazy.
Why do I put myself through this ordeal again? It hurts. Make the pain stop. Please.
I really want to cry.

Mood: Back in the pit
Music: Tegan and Sara - Dark Come Soon

Blow my mind

2006-12-16T00:47:00.000+11:00

2 months since my last update, and it's time for more mental unloading. Been working alot lately. I had a friend from Canberra visit a few weeks ago, she had tickets to the taping of Rockwiz. It was pretty good. The next day we had after dinner drinks at a backpackers' pub, then we went to meet my friends at The Peel. It was a fun night out...got really trashed.

I got my results on the 30th of November, and at the moment after I got my results and I passed, I was relieved. But now lately, I've been feeling really empty inside and my insomnia's gotten worse andI don't know why. Is it because I still don't know what I want to do in life? I've lost my way and my compass is broken.

When you were young

2006-09-13T23:43:00.000+10:00

Back again for more cathartic vomit. Was watching old 90's music videos of the Spice Girls (yes, I liked the Spice Girls, no, wait, correction..I like Mel C. but anyway, I digress) and The Cardigans' My Favourite Game on youtube. 10 years on, I'm depressed, bi, living in another country, still studying and accomplished nothing. Would I have done anything differently if I knew the things I know now back then? Would I have made the same mistakes? Actually, I've accepted and like being bi.

I'm on my last legs, and I'm tired. I really think that this is my final chance. Anymore failure on my part will push me over the edge.
My shrink tells me that the dreams I've been having of undead/mummies/shadows chasing me are of my subconcious telling that I'm avoiding issues. Shut up subconcious, leave me alone.

Mood:
Music: The Killers

Sex, drugs and the complications

2006-03-23T03:42:00.000+11:00

Was hanging out with a gay friend tonight who was a bit depressed...misery looooves company. So anyways, we hung out, had dinner at a japanese restaurant, had waay too much sake then went to this topless bar near flinders street. With a name like "Hosie's Tavern" who knew it was a topless bar? Went in grab drinks from this cute topless bartender , sat down and watched some shows. The second stripper was HOT! RWAR! Had a "couple of drinks" stayed for 4 shows then went for a walk-about trying to find a specific brothel that he insisted was on Market street. I was so drunk by then, heh. We ended up over at Southbank and after much debating on which direction to walk, we found it.
It was an interesting night suffice to say.

Mood: Tired
Music: Placebo-Meds

Four seconds was the longest wait

2006-03-22T03:38:00.000+11:00

I went out clubbing with my shifty after the closing shift on satday morning at 2am, he took me to this gay club at collingwood called The Peel. I'm surprised to say, I had a great time dancing and drinking and perving at the hot looking guys and girls. Went back at about 5, slept at 7 and woke up feeling all sore.
After my shift ended at 8pm last night, I went out just chilling and drinking with my collegues and had a venting session on stupid customers and the newbies.
Still don't sleep well and keep having fucked up dreams which are so mish-mashed even I don't understand it. When I wake up, the first thought that crosses my mind was "what the fuck??".
I haven't been attending uni for the last week. I just can't be buggered. I'm seriously considering just jumping ship and getting a graduate diploma. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Anyone can tell you there's no more road to ride
Everyone will tell you there's no place to hide
There's no laws or rules to unchain your life
But the ones who didn't make it
The ones who couldn't take it
So glad they have made it out alive

Everyone loves the fun everyone comes by
In the wind I crunch I want to die
They can give me pills
Or let me drink my fill
The heart wants to explode far away
Where nobody knows

Do you believe she said that
Do you believe she said that
I said I hate myself and I want to die

Half of it is innocent
The other half is wise
The whole damn thing makes no sense
I wish I could tell you a lie

Hey come here
Let me whisper in your ear
I hate myself and I want to die

Do you believe she said that
Can you believe she repeated that
I said I hate me myself and I
I said I hate myself and I want to die
--- Cat Power : Hate

Mood: Depressed
Music: Sleater-Kinney - Jumpers

Queer

2006-03-08T04:13:00.000+11:00

A couple of weeks ago while I was at a friend's new place, we were having a discussion on band names after we saw an ad for the new Wolfmother album. Then it shifted to what would I call my band if I had a band; it ranged from Stinky Socks, RJ45...and now after I 've given it a little more thought, Coffee Monkeys! How cool is that? HAhahahahaha.
Gawd...why can't I sleeep?!

Mood:Tired
Music: Iron On

Re-arrange Me

2006-02-27T02:19:00.000+11:00

Been busy as since I got back from home. I got back on the 14th of Feb night and attended the Tegan and Sara concert on the 15th, I missed their apperance at JB-HiFi since I was still technically flying over the ocean >.< The concert was awesome, even better than the last one since I was front row centre and took heaps of pictures :) but this time they didn't come out to sign stuff :(
Their opening band Iron On was pretty good, go check them out.

I was working a 40 hour week before uni started, and with the really hot weather, it was totally insane! All I can say is I really really hate making frappucinos now.
Mental update: Still fucked up and still popping pills.

Mood: Getting sick
Music: Iron On - I had to read it Twice

I'm Not OK

2006-01-08T00:30:00.000+11:00

Went back home on wednesday, and I've had enough, I wanna go back to melbs now. Pleaseeeeeeeeee?! Don't make me stay!! I know, I know...I sound fuckin selfish. But its not like that!. I mean I'm glad to see my nanna, family and friends. But my dad has this way of making you feel unworthy with a word. Either that I'm being a paranoid android and need to take my meds regularly...probably the latar.
Fuck..Fuckity McFuck fuck....ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mood: Melancholy
Music: Tegan and Sara

2005-12-21T16:14:00.000+11:00

updates, updates...hmmm, I had a dream a couple of nights ago. I dreamt that I was on a rusty dingy space ship. My back, chest and throat was slashed but bandaged up, but the blood is staining the white gauze. There's this girl on the ship that look erriely like Kiera Knightley. I was lying next to her, bodies touching, altho it hurt like hell because of the slashes, I still wanted to fuck her and she me.

This is what happens when I don't take my meds, product of a deranged mind.

Anyway, I went for the Green Day concert at Telstra Dome On Satday. Awsome concert! Fireworks, flames, pyrotechnics the lot.

Need more time to figure me out

2005-11-25T00:46:00.000+11:00

Didn't fill my perscription for a couple of days...so I was without my meds and was feeling very very down. Plus I discovered that I have weirder vivid mish mash dreams than I normally have.
Exam results come out next week...sigh...definately bound to fail a unit...fuck.

To drivers that yell out abuse at pedestrians crossing when the green walking man is still lit, fuck you, what the fuck is your rush? Screw you and I'll see how you like being a pedestrian when, NOT if you lose your license! Wankers!

Mood: Tired
Music: Tegan and Sara

Wearing me down

2005-11-11T01:05:00.000+11:00

Finished my exams a week ago...phew! and I think I'm gonna flunk at least one paper...grrrrrrrrr...just couldn't concentrate...it was as if my mind turned seive like and everything I've read just fell through....sigh..why? why?? WHY???!
It's gonna be a month since I started working Part time...and I guess it's good cos I get out of the house and meet people and I get some spending money.

Mood: Stoic
Music: Tegan and Sara

Tired for Days and Days

2005-10-12T01:12:00.000+10:00

Hmmmm...updates, well, I have 2 assignments due on Friday and I haven't really done anything except research, exams are barely 2 weeks away, I have a test next week as well as training for a part time job I just applied for. Great time management, just fuckin great timing. To top that off, I'm feeling tired all of the time. I'm not complaining about the job, heck I NEED a job, but the timing is just fuckin bad.
Further updates IF I survive the coming weeks.

Mood: Exhausted
Music: Tegan and Sara

I know you're dying to

2005-09-27T23:11:00.000+10:00

Attended the Garbage concert at the Palais theathe last night, well, at first I didn't really get excited or feel anything...I know I've been wanting to attend a Garbage concert for years and years...yea, so got in, got 2nd row, middle seats, Opening act came, played and went...lights were turned off, Butch, Steve and Duke came on, and Shirley 'fuckin' Manson come on singing 'Queer' and I was mesmerized. I was up on my feet cheering, yelling, singing, head banging, jumping and moving to the music. I just couldn't take my eyes off her at all, she was coy, bitchy, sultry, and oh so sexy all at the same time, and man oh man the concert was amazing. The band played songs from all of their albums. The best mainstream concert ever.

I found out that the only time I allow myself to feel is when I attend concerts, all my emotions come flooding out in that 1 1/2 hours. Attending concerts is my new therapy...

mmmmmm....RWAR!

Mood: Good

Music: Garbage

Take me by the hand and tell me

2005-09-23T02:37:00.000+10:00

What's the point in life when all you do is masticate, defecate, masturbate, procreate and wait for the cold grip of the grim reaper to clutch your shoulder and drag you off in the end? I know that's an overly simplified and pessemistic explaination to life, but fuck it...that's how I view life right now. It's been nearly a year since I became and stoped being a cutter, well, the addiction started again. I just couldn't hold off the urges that started a couple of months ago any longer. On top of that, it seems like my family don't talk to each other, go figure...and problems are mounting.

Mood: Feeling fucked up
Music: Tegan and Sara

Feelings up and leave me

2005-09-02T01:19:00.000+10:00

Ghost of the past haunts the living
Can't go on living this way
Emptiness inside needs filling
yet it gnaws and the hunger grows each day
'till you're rotten to the core

Listening to songs that make you slit your wrists
can't seem to drive the ghost of the past away
Been holding on for far too long nothing left to lose
Time to chase the pain away
with pills and booze

The high I felt from the birthday weekend came crashing down on Monday. No gradual descent, oh no...not when I haven't felt this happy in years. It was like stepping off a cliff and plunging down and hitting the ground smashing every mental bone in my head. I felt hopeless and desperate, I really really wanted to cut myself and end it all right there and then. The pills kicked in finally and I managed to get it all under control and the calm numbness washed over me.
My counsellor asked me the other day whether it was still worth it to come see him and spill my guts out. I replied," Yea, otherwise I'd hurt myself or attempted to slit my wrists a long time ago"
I guess the problem with me is I keep things bottled up inside and slip on my mask to the outside world and become the cheerful, happy go lucky person. I tend to detach myself from feelings or feeling anything at all.

Mood: Melancholic
Music: Tegan and Sara

Speak Slow

2005-08-26T23:59:00.000+10:00

It's my birthday!! I can honestly say that this has been my best birthday ever and I'm happy...got that? HAPPY! It's such a weird feeling I haven't felt this way in a very very long time. My friend gave me the First season of the L word and to find it I had to solve her riddles...drove me absolutely nuts! My sis gave me a shirt with french cuffs and cuff links! how cool is that?
Then I attended the Tegan and Sara concert at The HiFi Bar..fucking brillant! The songs they played was excellent, the on stage banter they had was excellent....what can I say? IT was EXCELLENT!!! And the best part was Rob the drummer began throwing drumsticks into the crowd and my friend helped me get one!!! And it got signed by Rob and Tegan and Sara!!! W000t!! I got heaps of stuff for Tegan and Sara to sign and pictures..heaps of pictures!!! Meeting them in real life was so cool, they're so down to earth and friendly.

mmmm....Sara!

Mood: HAPPY!!!

Music: Tegan and Sara

I'm not alone, no I'm just on my own

2005-08-16T03:50:00.000+10:00

Been having a couple of 'slit your wrists kinda day'(no, i didn't come up with that phrase) lately...the meds don't seem to be workin right..i have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just wanna curl up in a ball under my doona and hide from the world.
It seems to me that there is a season for break ups...usually happens in the middle of the year, in a two year block. A couple of friends are goin through break ups right now. What's the point of putting all your feelings into a relationship when you end up getting your heart ripped out and stomped on? That's why I don't do fuckin relationships! I have trust issues i know.
Sigh, 10 more days until Tegan and Sara...dunno if I can last that long..FUCK I hate feeling this way!!! I just want to grab myself by the shoulders and shake myself hard and yell "Snap out of it!! Stop wallowing in your self pity you stupid fuck!"

Mood: Bleh
Music: The Donnas - Dancing with myself

Do you see my problem?: the sequel

2005-07-29T17:57:00.000+10:00

The change in medication is making me feel horny 70% of the time!! At first I thought it was because of the weed binge I had in NZ...but that's been out of my system ages ago. I wake up horny and heck I even attended a lecture in that state. Suffice to say that my concerntration was shot and I was on edge for the 2 hours. Gaaaah...I need to find a fuck buddy, and sooon!
Went to Spearmint Rhino on Sunday night, that place is classy as! Had my first lapdance from a tall, blond and very very pretty girl. RWAR! very sensuous and sexy. I spent about $160 on 2 dances.

Mood: Tired
Music: Placebo - Peeping Tom

Do you see my problem?

2005-07-20T20:22:00.000+10:00

First things first, passed all my units...phew...load off my mind. Since the doc changed my medication, I've been sleeping better..slept 16 hours yesterday...hmmm...too much I reckon..but I still have frickin weird as dreams.

Went to the state library to see Neil Gaiman on Monday...w000t! He is such a cool and friendly guy. Got him to sign a couple of stuff :) Highlight of me week!

Mood: content
Music: Tegan and Sara

We Were So High

2005-07-05T13:47:00.000+10:00

Arrived back from New Zealand last night after a stopover at Christchurch. It was good spending time with Kiwiboy and just catching up.
Day 1: arrived at Wellington at 11.55pm, by the time Customs were through with me, it was 1.30am. Kiwiboy and gf came and pick me up. On the way to paraparaumu, we stopped by the beach and kiwiboy rolled a J. Mmmmmm...the first of many.
Day 2: Woke up at 11am, had breaky with kiwiboy's mum, then started the journey to Auckland. The desert road was freezing and there were pockets of snow everywhere! Had dinner at Taupo (brrrr...freezing!) and continued our way to Auckland. Arrived in Auckland at 11pm and decided to grab a motel room. Smoked another J and had the attack of the munchies...gf was sooo funny when she's stoned.
Day 3: Woke up at 9am and kiwiboy cooked breaky..eggs and bacon....mmmmm.
Dropped gf at school and we went to the city. Picked up gf at 2pm and went to her house to pick up some stuff. Then kiwiboy kinda got lost trying to get to my cousin's place :)
Day 4: Kiwiboy picked me up after dropping gf at school. Spent some time in the city. Had dinner with kiwiboy's aunt, then went back to the city, smoked more J's and went to watch War or the Worlds stoned...hahahahah...mmmmm munchies!
Day 5: Dropped gf off at school while we made our way to Rotorua. Got there at around 7pm. Freezing Frost Monkeys it was cold!!! Had dinner in the city...which was weird cos the was plenty of cars parked, but where's the people?!
Bought a couple of beers and went back to the motel. Did some canning, drank beer, got shit stoned in the spa.Got huge attack of munchies.
Day 6: Did more canning and went to the Luge at sky gondolas...it was fricking excellent. Fast speeds with wind in hair is good! Did more canning and went to the hot springs and mud pools. It's freaky when you see it stoned.
Made our way to Taupo for the main event...BUNGY!!!! Arrived there at 4pm, did more canning...tried persuading kiwiboy to bungy...to no avail. The platform's 47 metres high but I was too stoned to care. The guy strapped my feet, I hopped to the edge, looked down and stepped off. Oh holy fuck went through my mind as I fell, but my mouth wasn't connected to my brain at that moment. Instead, "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH" came out. W000t!!! what a rush!! I was physically and mentally flying!! Went back to the car and went to Huka Falls and did more canning and looked at the rapids. Had dinner and we were off. 5 to 6 km after we passed Mangaweka, kiwiboy's car suddenly lost power. So there we were, on the side of the road, out in the middle of the wop wops in the dark and cold. So what did we do? did more canning and kiwiboy called his friends to pick us up and we spent the night at Palmerston North.
Day 7: Made our way back to Paraparaumu, smoked Js and bonged.
Day 8: Woke up at 8am, bonged a bit and went to the airport. Checked in, smoked a J and had a beer....mmmmmm it was all goood.

Fun Fact 1: very very cold in Wellington
Fun Fact 2: Smoking Js, bonging and canning for 7 straight days makes a person very horny.

Mood: still stoned
Music: Tegan and Sara

I Don't Need Rest

2005-06-22T01:40:00.000+10:00

One year since I started this blog and I reckon it's good to put my thoughts to "paper". Never was one to start a diary or journal, but I guess it's good to rant and unload the day's happenings and worries.
One year since I 'discovered' Tegan and Sara's music and I haven't stopped listening to them at all :) I listen to them at home and on the mp3 player whenever I go out. Freaky!
I just watched Batman Begins...and it went beyond my expectations...suffice to say that the last two sucked ass, but compared to the first 2, Batman Begins is waaay better.
Started a little project spray painting my CPU casing...only time will tell on how it goes.

Mood: Tired
Music: Tegan and Sara

No Where To Go

2005-06-20T20:30:00.000+10:00

Tegan and Sara...coming...in August...concert...on my birthday...w00t!! >does a little dance and bounces off the walls<
...and that's the highlight of my weekend. Still in tough negotiations with the Sandman on the sleep issue...damn you Morpheus! I'm so tired.
Goin to NZ in a week's time to see my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend...totally weird issue there.

Mood: Tired
Music: Placebo

Let Go and Move On

2005-06-15T03:45:00.000+10:00

Exams are over!! Was so buggered after yesterday's final paper, that I went to sleep at 9.30pm....and woke up an hour later wide awake but still tired....grrrrrr. So I tried sleeping again at 3am on my sister's bed. No frickin use...I was locked in mortal combat with the bed tossing and turning trying to sleep. Last thing I remembered was hearing the damn birds chirping.
There's this new tuna and salmon ad on tv by Safcol and it's hillarious! This girl gets on a bus and takes a seat next to a guy. She asks him "What are you having for dinner?" He looks all surprised and weirded out and replied "Don't know" or something like that. She reached in her bag and took out two foil packets, one tuna and one salmon....she explains yadda yadda yadda and then to the tune of the theme of the 60's batman series she sings "Tuna, tuna, tuna, tuna, saaaaalmon"! Then she made smooching noises while pressing the tuna and salmon packets together. The she looked around and realized that everone was staring at her weird and the guy had an amused smile on his face! hahahahahaha.
Watched Mr and Mrs Smith today...RWAR!!! 2 of my favourite actors in it with enough chemistry to make the screen melt! YUM!

Mood: tired
Music: Tegan and sara

Tell Me Love, Where Do We Go?

2005-06-09T02:18:00.000+10:00

Had a dream last night that I was having a conversation with Brian Molko. Don't remember what we were talking about, but we were hanging out at a club or dark bar. Tegan and Sara came along later and joined us. Weird as!
For months and months I've been having strong urges to shave my head. So finally I did it. I shaved my head into a mohawk on satday morning. Feels so good to run my fingers through my scalp. I look really, really young now, everywhere I go I kept being asked for ID.

Mood: tired
Music: Tegan and Sara

It's Not Morning

2005-06-03T23:13:00.000+10:00

Had a rough night...slept at 11.30pm just to wake up at 1.30am wide awake. Took a shower and studied abit....tried sleeping again at 6am and the last thing I remember was the clock at 8am. Woke up at 11.30 to go to uni to sit for a test at 1pm...just barely made it. Was fuckin exhausted on my way back. And to make my day even worse was a fuckin bogan in his fuckin white ute shouting rasist remarks at me while I was walkin past him. GO BACK TO CHINA??!! Fuckin xenophobic asshole!! Not every asian is from China! it's like saying to every caucasian you see and yelling GO BACK TO EUROPE! Fuckin ignorant prick!! I should have just dropped my bag and punched his lights out...tho he was built like a footy player and I would have ended up with severe head concussions, I should have punched him. But it didn't register in my sleep deprived brain until after I turned the block. GRRRRRRRRR...makes my blood boil! Bloody moron!
End rant!

Mood: Pissed Off
Music: Lunatic Calm

What Do I Have To Do?

2005-05-27T20:55:00.000+10:00

where to begin....I watched Star Wars Episode 3 last week..w0000t! it was excellent! Especially the ending...of all the 6 episodes of starwars, I loved Revenge of the sith and the Empire strikes back the best.
Went to a friend's place to play with her dog Keiko..maaaan, that is one active dog! She was bouncing all over the place.
Still can't sleep...still have weird dreams. I think the sleepless nights are taking a toll on my body, I feel like I'm getting sick....yeaaaaaaa....I feel it coming!
Just handed in 2 assignments and had a presentation to give...all within this week. I have another assignment due on Monday and an exam on Friday...Arghhhhh....go away!!! I just want to sleeeeep!!!

Mood: Tired, fucked up and cranky
Music: The Killers - Jenny was a friend of mine

Just Me

2005-05-11T00:07:00.000+10:00

Feeling really bad today...I feel this tightening of the chest. I don't know why..Had a bad night last night... couldn't sleep and was tossing and turning and waking up periodically like a sick fuck.

Mood: bleak
Music: Tegan and Sara

I Know You're Sad Eventhough You Say That You're Not

2005-05-09T00:49:00.000+10:00

After weeks of warm weather in autumn, it's finally getting cold! yea, I know I'm weird...But after living nearly 20 years in a country where the humidity and heat just kills you, I crave the cold.
I went bowling last night for the first time in 3 years and now I ache all over...gawd damnit. It was pretty good just to hang out and chill with friends.
I saw a Darth Vader helmet at Myers that makes you sound like good old Darth and I WANT IT!!!!! To my friends IF they are reading this; Hint, hint wink, wink :) My birthday's coming up in 3 months...heh.
Sleep still eludes me and the dreams continue to disturb me.
The list of some of the things I dream about:

Being shot at
Shooting at people shooting at me
Being chased
Hiding
elephants
secondary school
Dying
Shane in a skirt
Mummies chasing after me (YUCK!!!)

Mood: Numb

Music: Tegan and Sara - My Number

Stick your hand inside my chest

2005-04-28T02:53:00.000+10:00

I'm such a fuckin slack arse... I nearly missed handing in an assignment today. I totally forgot about what week it was and I thought the assignment due date was next week. I went in for the tute today and the tutor asked for the answers to be sent to him! Good thing my group member had her answers and lent it to me to paraphrase, generate public keys, encrypt and send it. All done within an hour and 20 minutes. Phew! Don't know what the hell is wrong with me.... I'm losing track of time...all my days are bleeding in to one ginormous day. Can't afford to screw up anymore....I already missed handing in a 10% assignment on another unit.

Mood: Meh
Music: Tegan and Sara

I can't take it

2005-04-17T17:13:00.000+10:00

It's been a busy month, assignments, tutes and more sleepless nights. The frickin weird dreams are a norm now, still unsettling but a norm. I'd be very surprised if for one night I don't dream at all. sigh...I wish. I tried swaping rooms with my sis...but it didn't work, still couldn't sleep and the dreams kept on coming.
Went to see the Doc and she upped my dosage...feel so drowzy and tired.
During easter I went to watch the umbilical brothers at the comedy festival. It was funny as! I laughed until my sides ached.
I started playing Sims 2 again...getting addicted again aye.

Mood: Drowzy
Music: Tegan and Sara - Take me anywhere

Fall Forever

2005-04-01T12:46:00.000+10:00

I think I'm losing my mind...the only time I feel anything now is when I dream. Last night's dream was a mish mash of stuff that don't make sense, like dreaming about the class I was in when I was in Form 3??Fuck man...the dream dragged up feelings for anger, regret, sadness, sorrow. These dreams are becoming too real for words. What is wrong with me?? If dreams are what you want subconciously, fuck then I'm in trouble, I can't figure out what I want!

Mood: unsettled
Music: Tegan and Sara

C'mon kids, eat those pills

2005-03-30T02:44:00.000+10:00

Easter break WOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooot!! The break's been good..hanging out with friends playing foosball and pool, but I can't seem to find the mood to start on my assignments. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! All this procastination is goin to bite me in the ass hard very very soon. Too make matters worse, I can't seem to get my sleeping pattern right. I either sleep too much or it takes me a very very long time to fall asleep or I can't sleep at all. AND I still have frickin weird as dreams every single night! Damn Cipramil ain't working right! sigh..at least I don't freak out anymore...numb is good...maybe I should ask the doc about Zoloft....bugger that...all drugs are the same.

Mood: meh
Music: Tegan and Sara - You wouldn't like me

I Want The Ocean Right Now

2005-03-16T16:55:00.000+11:00

Went to the Moomba Water Festival on Satday. It was the 50th aniversary and there were heaps of people!! Rides and games everywhere. I wanted to sit the Catapult but it costs AUS$30 for a ride..! frickin expensive. The fireworks display was excellent....with the fireworks being set off to music from the last 50 years.

FireWorks at the Moomba Festival

I got Tegan and Sara's 'So Jealous' album from amazon yesterday...WOOOOoooooot!! The album's still not out in Oz yet and I couldn't wait anymore!! I love the interaction of Tegan and Sara in the 20 minute making of movie....hillarious as!
I love the tracks 'Downtown' and 'We didn't do it' mmmmmmmmmmm! ear candy....!

Tegan and Sara's new album 'So Jealous'

Mood: mmmmmmmmmmmmm
Music: Tegan and Sara - downtown

Stars fade into day

2005-03-11T04:30:00.000+11:00

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! It's 4am and I can't sleep!! Gawd damnit.....and I have a lecture at 1pm to make matters worse >.<
Maybe I should just ~~bang my head against the wall~~...nah...makes too much noise and I'd probably dent my wall. That'll kiss my bond good bye. Bye-bye bond!! bwahahahahahaha....fuck, I needs sleep!!

Mood: Tired and grouchy
Music: Tegan and Sara

Damn Your Mood Swings

2005-03-01T00:43:00.000+11:00

Been back in Melbs for a week and uni started today. I really needed the 1 month break back home altho I was hesitant to go back. It was good to see my friends and some friends that I haven't seen for nearly 9 years. Just chillin and laxing out to the max. Eating my granma's good cookin, seeing my parents AND having a car to drive!!
My sleeping pattern is still out of whack AND I'm still having freaky weird as dreams.

Mood: tired
Music: Tegan and Sara - Monday Monday Monday

Out of my mind

2005-02-04T02:39:00.000+11:00

Here's the deal, I opened up my gmail account and to my surprise I have 50 gmail invites to give away. If you want one, e-mail me at cran_t2atyahoodotcomdotau. All I want in return is a postcard from the place you're currently at. Easy as! C'mon people!!

I'm never gonna be the same again

2005-01-27T04:09:00.000+11:00

well, back home for 4 days and my sleeping pattern is outta whack...keep waking up at 9am >.<
It's good to be back home, seeing my rellis again, good food, hanging out with old friends, making new ones...sigh...but i still feel numb and numbmer. Still having weird dreams. At one point when I woke up, I was gasping.
Break down of my dreams: 1. Being chased
2. Hiding
3. Getting Slashed
4. Zombies
5. Mummies (YUCK)
6. Tegan and Sara (YAY)
7. Fighting in a robot
8. Feeling angry
9. Feelings for a person NOT returned

Music: Tegan and Sara - Superstar
Mood: Tired and numb

It's back to sleep to re-dream me

2005-01-19T01:09:00.000+11:00

Hmm...looks like no one is reading my blog...oh well, more gmail invites for me to trade off then. My sis got me The Sims 2 for Chrissy...addictive as! I Looove playing God! Bwahahahaha!! ahem...sorry, got a little carried away there :)
Let's see...moved into a new apartment, no Internet connection for 5 days, had to do heaps of packing and unpacking, I'm goin home for a month after my exam paper on Thursday...damn paper!! I don't feel like goin home tho, dunno why, reckon it's due to the fact it's home. meh. Had a weird as dream last night, I dreamt I was goin to miss a Tegan and Sara concert due to the fact i was goin home and I wasn't sure when the date of the concert was because i couldn't get access to the Internet! Maaaan... Internet withdrawal sure sucks ass! Been having really weird dreams lately, it's either I dream of being chased but I can't see who is the chaser, or I'm getting slashed by someone. Fuck man, I'm sure I'm slowly goin insane.

Music: TEGAN AND SARA - WAKE UP EXHAUSTED
Mood: Meh

Route in hand, but the map is stuck

2004-12-24T02:02:00.000+11:00

Been busy as lately...exams and more exams...whoohoo! I aced my Cisco exam. Load off my chest. Next exam is in January. Fucking exhausted...It's like I'm tired all the time! Gaaaaaaah!
I've just started learning the guitar, bought a Washburn steel acoustic, burned a huge whole in my pocket...but it was worth it. Looks like being broke is goin to be my lifestyle for a while.
Just a little experiment on whether anyone is reading my blog...I have 3 gmail invites available, post me a message, leave me your e-mail and we'll work something out. :)

Mood: Sleepy
Music: Smashing Pumpkins - The Killer in you

City Girl

2004-11-25T01:14:00.000+11:00

I attended the worst concert of the year by accompanying my sis at the Maroon 5 concert. Gawd...why did I agree to go?? I only semi like 2 of their songs. They don't seem to have the 'phwoar' factor when playing live...heck, their album has no 'phwoar' factor to begin with anyways. >.<>
Fuck man, need to redeem my concert experience with a Tegan and Sara concert.

I started my CCNA course this week, 4 hour classes twice a week. Plus a 2 module test on mondays and 1 module test on wednesdays. Yay!...not!
Well, its more interesting than fucking programming.

Went to the gym at a friend's place and ended up playing tennis after that. Went to do that all over again the day after. By the end of it my body was screaming 'Have Mercy!' it's to make up on months and months of exercising the equivalent of a moving slug :)

After that we went to watch 'The Grudge', late night show. Frickin scary as!! After the show we were joking that we wouldn't take a shower or sleep again!

Mood: Meh
Music: L.P. - Change of Scenery

Wake up exhausted

2004-11-09T01:13:00.000+11:00

Woke up on Tuesday morning feeling worse for wear, all bleary eyed, feverish and sneezing. Went to see the doctor at Uni and sat for my afternoon paper feeling all woozy. To top that, the weather on Tuesday was insane! Wild winds and pouring rain which of course I got caught in, which made my cold worse. The thought of sitting for an exam paper the next day was out of the question. The fucking cherry on the cake was the fact I was kneeling in front of the Porcelin God wasn't due to the flu, but from the side effects to the antibiotics the doc prescribed. I was having stabbing gut wrenching pain in my stomach and throwing up. Missed sitting for my last paper too. Just great!. I'm now at the mercy of TPTB of uni admin to process my special consideration application and decide whether to allow me to sit for a supp exam. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

Mood: depressed and tired
Music: T n S

Take Me Anywhere

2004-10-28T02:26:00.000+10:00

Went to sleep this morning at 7...couldn't sleep, might as well study right? >Rolls eyes< The weather was totally outta whack. It started rainning at 9pm and the gale force winds started at 6am and lasted through out the day. It was crazy...branches flying everywhere and it was wet and cold and blustery...heck, it's still cold. The cold...I love the cold weather. Not complaining at all, no uh!

Been listening to L.P., her albums :
- Surburban Sprawl and Alcohol (2nd and current album) I love the first track "wasted" and the title track is good too
- Heart-Shaped Scar (first album) 9th track 'Insane' is very haunting.

Rock with excellent hooks...mmmmmmm and her voice! double mmmmmm:) No idea what does L.P. stands for, initials maybe. The two whole albums can be listened to at the website. Can't download tho :( now that's asking for a bit too much :) check her site out : www.lprock.com . I don't think her albums are available here (damn!) but then I haven't checked out HMV in the city yet...
I need some US connections!

Mood: No change
Music: L.P. - Surburban Sprawl and Alcohol

Dark Things Come Calling

2004-10-24T01:55:00.000+10:00

Still having trouble sleeping...a couple of nights ago I had the weirdest fuck as dream. I dreamt I went to a Tegan and Sara concert at the Festival Hall. I had my ticket, but the attendant wouldn't let me in because I had the wrong tempreture...wtf?? I pushed the attendant aside as the concert was starting and got to the front row. Sara was signing autographs and I gave her my notebook to sign. As I got back my notebook, I looked up, the band disapeared and there were yellow rubber duckys everywhere! What the hell?? Don't get me wrong, dreaming about going to a Tegan and Sara concert is great! excellent even, but dreaming about not gaining entry because of the wrong body tempreture and yellow rubber duckys?! ARGH...! the exam/assignment stress is really getting to me. Fuck man, why won't it end?!

Mood: So very tired
Music: Skinny Puppy - Optimissed

This is Me Before I Fall Apart

2004-10-17T01:56:00.000+10:00

Been having trouble sleeping, it's either I can't sleep or I over sleep. Case in point Thursday night, went to bed at 3 am, woke up at 4 am, went back to sleep, woke up at 6 am, finally I gave up and was lying in bed until about 7.45 where I had to get up for an eye appointment at 9 am. Went to uni a hour later to hand up an assignment. Fell asleep at the library at uni while waiting for a tute to start, which i obviously missed!
Went to the Black Eyed Peas concert on Friday night. These guys rock! They were very energetic and they really got the crowd going. By the end of it everyone was standing on their seats and dancing and cheering.
Slept at 3 am and woke up today at 3.30 pm gaaaah! Bloody hell!

Mood: Tired
Music: T n S - Speak Slow

I Was So High I Thought I Definitely Died

2004-10-11T02:05:00.000+10:00

Right, first entry for October. Last week I was supposed to go clubbing with Jack and his two friends visiting from the US. That was the plan anyway. Until one of them passed me a joint, pure joint, not mixed with tobacco in anyway. Got so shit stoned that I threw up on the road. Ended the night watching tv and getting a huge attack of the munchies...wheeeeeeeeeee! I still felt the effects of the joint the next day...strong as.
Went to catch a show in the Melbourne International Arts Festival on Friday. It's called Provenance. All I can say is WHOA. It's a marionnette show and IT IS GOOD! The marionnette master Ronnie Burkett is a genius at manipulating the puppets. If there's anyone reading this, go catch his show! Student concession is only AUS$19 compared to the full adult price of $50. Frickin bargain man!

Mood: Numb
Music: T n S

I Don't Like What I See

2004-09-26T23:22:00.000+10:00

Excellent weather today, sunny blue skies. Was hanging out in the lawn in front of the state library getting some sun with my sis. Laying down staring at the sky as the clouds swept by QV was surreal. It felt like the building was moving instead of the clouds. Maaaaaaaan... I sound like a stoner.
My dad came over 2 weeks ago on business. Saw him for a couple of days with my sis. Then on one day his business appointment got cancelled so I took him around the city while my sis was at work. My dad and me alone...in the city...after the small talk got exhausted It got kinda awkward. I dunno, I just can't talk to my dad. My sis and him get along fine, plenty to talk about. Me and him? more silence than actual conversation. I seem to mumble and slur my words when I talk to him.
Tegan and Sara's new album release date in Oz has been pushed back :(
No clue when it's coming out here...sigh...more waiting.
Mid-sem break starts tomorrow...only 1 week. Have to start attacking my assignments or else I won't have time to study for the exam on 25th Oct...sigh..more grief.

Mood: Calm...for now
Music: Walking with a ghost

It could have been a month or It could have been a year

2004-09-18T02:02:00.000+10:00

The sun was finally out today after a week of blustery winds and rain...brrr...I reckon it's to payback the sunny days in winter. Finally updated my OS to XP from WIN 98 last weekend.
Been feeling numb for months, and it's getting worse, my mood meter has been in the dark side more and more often. Rarely does it go back to "happy" mode. Even if it does, it lasts a couple of hours at most. sigh.

Mood: Dark
Music: Tegan and Sara

I've been tired for days and days

2004-09-05T04:15:00.000+10:00

Suicidal Polar Bear (Mutluk to his friends) wondered as he was standing at the edge of the great white surface, if he jumped would his little butterfly wings support his weight and let him soar high and free in the sky, eyes closed with his tougue hanging out of his mouth as the wind rushed through his fur or will gravity rip him from the sky only to crash on the ground of reality and crushing his spirit because polar bears were never meant to fly. As he took a flying leap off the edge, he wondered what Yuri was doing...

Caffeine + lack of sleep = a weird story. Let's see 2 assignments down, 1 assignment and 2 presentations to go next week. Been on a caffeine binge, sweet, sweet caffeine, what would I do with out you? Had a birthday about 2 weeks ago...older but none the wiser...my sis got me an mp3 player...w00t! Sup got me the Angelina Jolie book about her travels with the UN and camo shoe laces, double w00t!

Mood: beep...beep....flatline...
Music: Days and Days

Underqualified, Undersatisfied I lie

2004-08-23T01:53:00.000+10:00

My mood seems to be swinging low-to-high-to-low. Well, the previous post was low obviously. Good thing Sup and Luke dragged me out (Thanks guys!)last night to The Ding Dong Lounge in Chinatown to hear a band called "The Red Paintings" play. The lead singer Jaime looks like James Haven. The music was good, the bassist and violinist were dressed as geishas, the cellist had his face painted like a japanese mask. The only normally dressed person was the drummer :) There was a projection of random scenes of movies on the wall and a Virgin Mary statue on stage. Also there was an artist painting while the band was playing. Luke used to play for the band, which I thought was pretty cool. With the loud music pumping and beer flowing in my veins I was in my happy place and for a few hours I had no worries of assignments.

Mood: Good
Music: The Ataris - The Hero Dies in This One

End of tomorrow

2004-08-21T04:44:00.000+10:00

Looks like I'm updating the blog once a week..a whole week's rant in one post. Blame it on the deluge of assignments that's due in a week and a half >.<
>sigh<
Sometimes I wonder what's my purpose in life. I'm hitting a quarter of a century in 5 days and I've acomplished abso-friggin-lutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Am I goin to wander aimlessly through the rest of my life?. If that's the case, I quit. I want off this ride. LET ME OFF!. Where's the friggin reset button?? Fuck, perfect timing for a quarter life crisis. The story of my life would be titled "Under achiever - Meh!"

Mood: Happy Happy Joy Joy NOT!
Music: Third Eye Blind

Stick your hands inside my pocket

2004-08-14T06:25:00.000+10:00

I can't wait for Tegan and Sara's new album to come out! One more agonizing month to go >.<
It's getting real windy here..spring's coming... NOT!
I was watching the opening ceremony of the Athen's Olympics and the Danes and the Canadians have some hot looking athletes! Phwoar! ;)
The Malaysian contingent looked like they were wearing huge baggy red and white stripey pillow cases >groan<>

-Life goes on, long after the thrill of livin is gone.

Mood: Sleepy
Music: Portishead - Glory box

Trouble

2004-08-07T06:00:00.000+10:00

Aaahh, the weekend! salvation! The assignments are piling up...whoopeee! I had to do some logrithmic calculations for a tute, now ain't that ironic...the last time I did any log calculations was 6 years ago! shite.
Went clubbing the first time in over a year last night/this morning at Telstra Dome...some event called Hype. Fuck knows what the club's called.

Mood: Pissed
Music: Tegan and Sara

Monday Monday

2004-08-02T23:53:00.000+10:00

Lessons in futility...Why start something when the outcome is going to end up the same. Waste of time and waste of effort. Been given the run around the whole of last week just to avoid taking a unit again and I found out today I have to take it anyway, back at fuckin square one! Today was one of those "I hate Mondays" Monday. I hope I have a better day tomorrow.

Mood: Cranky
Music: Tegan and Sara

Time you got me tired

2004-07-31T01:05:00.000+10:00

Finally the weekend!! I thought I'd never make it...like a drowning person hanging on to a life preserver. The assignments haven't even started yet and I'm stressed up to my eye balls! So gawd damn tired.

Mood: Stressed
Music: Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

It's a little cold outside

2004-07-28T23:00:00.000+10:00

Gawd...this week's such a killer, tutes, lectures, meetings with my course coordinator AND lecturer and to top it off, a massive headache for two days. Trying to drown it with Panadol and the heavy duty stuff: Ponstan!
More gripes: It's been raining and it's cold and all I wanna do is bury myself deeper under my doona when I have a morning lecture to attend. >Sigh< The weekend can't come any sooner.

Mood: stressed
Music: Tegan and Sara

Time Running

2004-07-24T02:03:00.000+10:00

Finally have the PS2, been playing Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow...
Well, the first week of the semester has officially come and gone, discovered that Andy the Butcher is my programming tutor again! Can I never escape him? gawd damn it, it's like karma I tells ya!
Sometimes I think that I'm a sucker for punishment, mentally and physically self destructive to boot. I'm goin to get Distinctions for this semester even if it kills me. Do you hear me karma?! even if it fuckin kills me!! I've had enough of disappointments and disappointing people. GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Phew...that felt good.

Mood: Pissed off
Music: Starlit - The Light

Fabric's wearing through

2004-07-20T16:18:00.000+10:00

Sup's birthday today! Took Luke pressie shopping for Sup yesterday, also bought an excellent chocolate cake. Walking around the city carrying the cake was interesting to say the least, people kept coming up to chat me up...hmmm, cakes are people magnets :)
Woke up this cold cold morning at 7 for a 9am lecture, a latte wasn't enough, half way through the lecture my mind was wandering and I was nodding off. Shots of espresso are needed for next week's lecture.

Mood: Happy
Music: Dashboard Confessionals - As Lovers Go

Empty in between

2004-07-17T12:30:00.000+10:00

3 hours sleep this morning made bearable with caffeine... knocked back a doppio espresso and everything was just fine. I'm such a caffeine junkie...
Uni starts on Monday and I have classes from Monday to Friday and 1 9am lecture >groan< caffeine to the rescue!
Watched Fahrenheit 9/11 today... one word..Whoa.
Something's wrong with my adsl connection, I can't view the Rage webpage...gawd damnit!

Mood: La dee-Fucking-da
Music: Le Tigre - Deceptacon

I want a house on the beach...

2004-07-14T22:11:00.000+10:00

Met up with Jack today for lunch at Chinatown. It was good to see him since the last time I saw him was at the end of March. Did some catching up at Puchini's. He's such a sweetie but mental note to self...no drinking with Jack in the afternoons! I am on such a hangover right now, and all I had was 2 vodka tonics...gawd damnit, I need to build up my alcohol tolerance all over again.
Exam results are out tomorrow...shit scared! I'm sure I'll pass 3 units, I already gave up The Programming paper as bust. But what I think and what will show on the results rarely match...argh!

Mood: Aprehensive
Music: Tegan and Sara

Underwater I Wrote Drowning

2004-07-10T23:37:00.000+10:00

Crap...woke up at 3pm to the sound of my handphone ringing like hell's bells. Hmm...the incoherent morning posting = me being very pissed! Watching Rage while pissed is a very sureal experience...I recommend it! :)
Gawd...my head feels like a ton of bricks and a family of cotton balls moved in and procreated.

Regrets are like bookmarks in the book of life that you can't change. A constant reminder on how an individual screwed up...>sigh<

Mood: Somber
Music: Tegan and Sara

I'm a car crash

2004-07-10T03:14:00.000+10:00

It's Friday night/Satday morning and I'm in front of the comp IM-ing with Solo and getting pissed on Smirnoff Ice...now all I need is some 'party favours' and I'm a happy camper. Damn, no ciggies for the party favours...too cold to run down to 711 >.<
I'm on a Tegan and Sara overload for the past month and counting!
TeganandSaraTeganandSaraTeganandSara...!!
The L Word season ended last week and I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Damnit...I need my weekly fix...what am I goin to do on Wednesday nights now? Watch Channel Ten's late night news?...NOT!
Raaaaaaaaaage!!

Mood: In my happy little place
Music: Tegan and Sara

!@#$%*

2004-07-07T01:24:00.000+10:00

I've just discovered a pet peev, I don't really have pet peeves but if I was to have a pet peev this would be it.
PeOpLe wHo LiKe To tYpE OuT sEnTeNcEs CaPiTaLiZiNg eVeRy SeCoNd aLpHaBeT. IsNt It AnNoYiNg WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThIs? OnE wOrD iS FiNe, tWo SeNtEnCeS Is pUsHiNg iT...BuT a wHoLe fRiCkIn pArAgRaPh?! Gah!! Annoying as!! Gawd damnit! Is it so hard to type properly? Go back to school and get schooled! Strained eyes + headache = One cranky ME

Mood: Grr!
Music: Jimmy Eat World - Just watch the fireworks

ugh

2004-07-03T00:28:00.000+10:00

Got my endorphin craving fixed for the time being. Had my ear re-pierced...2 holes in one ear. The needle was HUGE! It reminded me of the needle used when a friend got her belly button pierced. Doesn't hurt tho...my ear's just a little sore.
Watched Super Size Me tonight...felt queasy watching Spurlock consuming all the Maccas. It's a good doco...really opens ur eyes.
Next on my list of doco to watch is Farenheit 9/11.

Mood: Hungry yet queasy at the same time
Music: Portishead - Roads

Fixes

2004-06-29T23:11:00.000+10:00

I'm goin to get the PS2 back on Friday!My own... My preciousssssss! Haven't touched the PS2 in months....the only bad thing is my TV, it only shows black and white when the PS2 is hooked up.
The tatt craving is still on, hopefully getting piercings will sate the craving for a while :)

Mood: Bouncing off the walls!
Music: Placebo - Nancy Boy

Tatts

2004-06-27T01:43:00.000+10:00

Hmmm...I'm feeling the familar urge of getting another tatt. The pricking of the needle, the humming of the machine, the endorphins kicking in, the numbness after awhile. It's all Solo's fault, I was helping him search for dragon tatt pics on the 'net. Must resist..! Having a hard time covering my other tatts when I go home. Piercings, on the other hand...

Megalomaniac - Incubus

I hear you on the radio
you permeate my screen, it's unkind but
if I met you in a scissor fight
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone
on principle alone

Hey megalomaniac
you're no Jesus
yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
wash your hands clean of yourself, baby
and step down, step down, step down

If I were your appendages
I'd hold open your eyes so you would see
that all of us are heaven sent
and there was never meant to be only one
to be only one

Hey megalomaniac
you're no Jesus
yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
wash your hands clean of yourself, baby
and step down, step down, step down

Step down, step down
ooh, step down

Yeah
you're, you're, you're
you're no Jesus
you're not Elvis
you're no Jesus
you're no Jesus
you're no Elvis
you're no answer

Step down, step down
step down, step down, hey, hey

Hey megalomaniac
you're no Jesus
yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
wash your hands clean of yourself, baby
and step down, step, step down
step down, oh step down
oh, step down, step down

Mood: Meh...
Music: Megalomaniac

Cold

2004-06-26T03:12:00.000+10:00

Woke up at 12pm after passing out at 4am. Man, I really need to get my sleeping pattern back to normal mode.
I went shopping with Sup today...went to the city centre, Bridge Rd, and South Yarra. I was looking for a present for my dad's birthday while Sup was looking for shoes for her bro. I bought a cute pair of mice cufflinks since my dad was born in the year of the rat. Frickin cold today, more so with getting caught in the rain with icy droplets of water running down my neck.
That's it, I'm goin to crash.

NOT WITH YOU - Tegan and Sara

I can't believe I've let you in
and now here I am
telling you that I'm suffocating in here
just like the drugs you are keeping me
I felt shark teeth underneath my socks
before I lost much blood
around this world will I be enough?
from the liquor stores
to the train stop floors
your filthy room your drama blues
I am nothing if I'm not with you
I'm always right always wrong
dressing bad is like loving you
there is nothing I haven't worn
nothing I haven't said before
your fluid is thick against my sheets
when you look at me
oh so angry I know it's true
my strength has come from loving you
behavior I just can't grow into
so you fake and you flaw
for your cops and your cause
it makes no difference to me
it's love that you stole, that you stole
from the liquor stores
to the train stop floors
your filthy room your drama blues
I am nothing if I'm not with you
I'm always right always wrong
dressing bad is like loving you
there is nothing I haven't worn
nothing I haven't said before so here I am
around this world will I be enough?
this is nothing I haven't said before
you are nothing I haven't felt before

Mood: tired
Music: Tegan and Sara - Not with you

Over!

2004-06-25T00:33:00.000+10:00

Exams are over! Had my final paper at 2.30. Curse you referential integrity! In my sleep deprived haze after my paper I took the wrong train at peak hour! Packed like sardines in a can... Just geting out of the carriage was an obstacle course over feet, bags and bodies.
Getting over the excessive caffeine consumption for the past 3 weeks is goin to be such a bitch. Caffeine, such a hard mistress to serve. At least it's better than having nickky withdrawal symptoms.

Mood: relieved

insomnia

2004-06-23T04:37:00.000+10:00

Gawd damn it...I can't sleep. Tried sleeping at 3am but was tossing and turning like mad. Just can't seem to get comfortable... fuuuuuuuuccccccccck!

Mood: damn cranky

musings

2004-06-22T18:59:00.001+10:00

A 3 week exam is such a drag...I know I know, plenty of time to study with the exam papers spread out. But sometimes I feel like running around the streets screaming. Argh...get it over with already! End the madness!
I've got a CD by Canadian duo Tegan and Sara called "If it was you" playing on repeat for a better part of 2 weeks. Obsessed much? :) Anyways these girls sound like post-punk rock, but raw..more real. A fan site defined the type of music as rawk. Sounds good! Check out their official website : www.teganandsara.com
These girls will totally blow you away.
Their new album "So Jealous" is coming out in September.
I sent them an e-mail and surprise, surprise they replied. How cool is that?!

first

2004-06-22T03:16:00.000+10:00

Well, it's around 3am here, I'm supposed to be studying but instead
I'm creating my first blog. At least I've gotten my priorities straight! :)